There is a particular kind of pressure that exists in youth hockey.
It usually starts innocently enough.
You hear that another player is doing an extra skills session every week. Someone else has a private skating coach. Another family has signed up for a tournament team. Then there’s a development camp, a spring team, a summer league, a showcase, another clinic… and before you know it, you start asking yourself the question almost every hockey parent has asked at some point:
Are we doing enough?
Or, perhaps more accurately:
Is my child going to fall behind if we don’t do what everyone else is doing?
Welcome to keeping up with the Hockey Joneses.
As both a coach and a hockey parent, I understand the temptation. When you love your kid and want to give them every opportunity to succeed, saying YES can feel like the safest choice.
Another skate? Sure.
Another clinic? Why not?
Another tournament? Everyone else is going.
Another spring team? Golden.
What if she falls behind? Can’t have that.
The problem is that somewhere along the way, youth hockey development can become a race to accumulate more.
More ice. More teams. More tournaments. More training. More exposure.
But more hockey does not automatically create a better hockey player.
I want to be clear: I believe strongly in additional development.
I wouldn’t do what I do if I didn’t.
Power skating matters. Individual skill development matters. Position-specific training matters. Small-area games, battle work, hockey IQ and purposeful repetition all have tremendous value.
But there should be a reason behind the work.
Before adding another session to your kid’s busy schedule, ask a simple question:
What are we trying to develop?
Maybe your daughter needs to become a more efficient skater. Maybe she needs more confidence handling the puck under pressure. Maybe she needs more reps shooting in stride. Maybe she needs to become stronger in battles or improve her positional awareness.
Great. Find development that addresses that need.
But if the answer is simply, everyone else is doing it, then that’s worth an extra look.
You cannot fall behind in someone else’s race. Wow, what a line.
One of the hardest things about youth sports is that we’re constantly given opportunities to compare our children.
Who made what team?
Who is playing up?
Who got invited where?
Who is doing private lessons?
Who scored?
Who got selected?
Who is travelling to the big tournament?
And now, with thanks to socials, we don’t just hear about these things at the rink. We see them constantly.
It can create the impression that everyone else is doing more.
But we’re usually seeing a highlight reel and not the entire picture.
We don’t see the tired kid in the back seat.
We don’t see the family calendar.
We don’t see the girl who hasn’t had a free weekend in two months.
We don’t see the financial pressure.
And we certainly don’t know whether all of that extra hockey is actually helping that particular kid develop.
Your daughter’s hockey journey doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s.
This is probably a weird thing for someone who runs a hockey development business to say:
Sometimes your kid does not need another hockey session.
Sometimes she needs to sleep.
Sometimes she needs to recover.
Sometimes she needs to go play another sport.
Sometimes she needs to go to a friend’s birthday party.
Sometimes she needs to shoot pucks in the driveway because she feels like it and not because someone is standing there correcting every shot.
And sometimes she needs absolutely nothing scheduled.
Rest isn’t the opposite of development. For young athletes, it’s part of development.
We should be developing athletes who still love hockey five and ten years from now and not kids who have been professionally scheduled since they were nine.
If you’re going to invest additional time and money into development, I would much rather see an athlete attend one purposeful session where she is engaged, challenged and receiving meaningful reps than spend five extra hours on the ice simply because more ice feels productive.
Ask questions.
What is the athlete-to-coach ratio?
How much actual movement and puck contact will there be?
What is the purpose of the session?
Does this complement what she’s already doing with her team?
Most importantly:
Does my daughter actually need this right now?
Those questions matter more than how many logos appear on her hockey bag.
Our daughters are hockey players.
But they’re also kids.
They’re students, sisters, daughters and friends. They have other interests. They need downtime. They need relationships outside of hockey. They need opportunities to fail, recover, laugh and sometimes just be BORED.
The goal shouldn’t be to create the busiest hockey player.
The goal should be to help develop a confident, resilient, skilled athlete who still loves walking into the rink.
So the next time another opportunity lands in your inbox, or another parent tells you about the incredible clinic, team, tournament or program their daughter is doing, don’t immediately ask:
Should we be doing that too?
Instead ask:
What does my daughter need?
Sometimes the answer will absolutely be more hockey.
And sometimes the answer will be less.
Both can be development.
Because the goal was never to keep up with the Hockey Joneses.
The goal is to help your daughter become the best version of herself, on the ice and away from it.
Coach Sam
Alpha Girls Hockey
